SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY : No, I'm Billy Anderson.

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TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to
Keep yours.

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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

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HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER : Of course not.
HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework.

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TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
JOHN : I hope you didn't either.

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GARY : I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.

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MOTHER : Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR : Because of absence.
MOTHER : You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR : No, but the kid who sits next to me was.

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SILVIA : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA : Your name on this report card.

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TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER : What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

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TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... Snakes don't have feet.

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HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE : Don't bite any.

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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN : I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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TEACHER: Max, use "defeat," "defense," and "detail" in a sentence.
MAX : The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before
Detail.

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MOTHER : Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR : You said it was my lunch money.

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TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SASHA : A new bike.

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TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how
Many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER: (sadly)You don't know your arithmetic.
VINCENT: (sadly)You don't know my father

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TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the
Other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

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BOY : Isn't the principal a dummy!
GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?
BOY : No.
GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.
BOY : And do you know who I am?
GIRL: No.
BOY : Thank goodness!